The Three Rules for Kissing Scorpius Malfoy
by pommedeplume
Summary: (Fall 2021) Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter can't seem to keep their hands and mouths off of each other. Luckily, Scorpius has three simple rules that should (in theory) keep it under control, or at the very least keep them out of detention.


On the first day of fifth year, Scorpius Malfoy creates three rules for kissing for his boyfriend, Albus Potter:

1\. No kissing during class whatsoever. That one was easy to get Albus to agree to, since they were both eager to avoid trouble this year.

2\. No making out in front of family. A peck might be fine on occasion. A more difficult rule to follow given the sheer number of Weasley-Granger-Potter cousins and siblings about the school.

3\. Neither of them could fail to ask for a kiss if they wanted one.

The result of these rules is that they spent a great deal of time snogging in the Slytherin Common Room. Irresponsible perhaps, given Scorpius was a prefect despite the events of the previous year, that he was still trying very hard not to think about. But per the rules, he pretty much always wanted to kiss Albus so when he wanted one he simply asked and Albus almost never said no.

All things considered, Scorpius liked making out with Albus under the green haze of the lanterns and the lake. In fact, it probably set the mood a little too well. It was easy to forget the other students in the common room reading, studying or even outright gawking at them. As a result, they were the talk of Slytherin House and Albus seemed to like that that a great deal.

"You know, something?" Scorpius said, pulling his lips away from Albus's.

"What?" Albus asked, his green eyes wide with excitement.

"You are ambitious like a Slytherin but you really do have the brashness of a Gryffindor," Scorpius said.

"But how do I kiss?" Albus said pressing his full lips into Scorpius's.

They had got a lot better at kissing over the summer. By Dumbledore, Albus definitely had, Scorpius thought, as he felt the slightest hint of tongue in his mouth.

"Like a Ravenclaw," Scorpius said as Albus pulled away.

"Hmm?" Albus said then kissed Scorpius again, slow and deep.

Scorpius moaned and felt strangely breathless as Albus pulled away.

"Maybe Hufflepuff," Scorpius admitted then laughed.

The other boys in the in the dormitory made their displeasure at Albus and Scorpius's nightly snogging sessions known loudly and often.

"Look, mate, it's not that I mind you blokes snogging. I just want to get some sleep, you know? It's… kinda distracting, if you get me?" Karl Jenkins complained one morning.

For a week after that, they tried to chill it out but the rules were the rules, and when one of them wanted a snog, they both usually did.

"Just keep your hands… more still," Albus insisted.

"What do you mean?" Scorpius said.

"When we're snogging just… when you move your hands about… it's… frustrating, you know," Albus said, blushing as Scorpius gently pushed him into a wall.

"Like this?" Scorpius said, placing his hands on the sides of Albus's robes and sliding them down.

Albus giggled then kissed Scorpius. Scorpius could hear voices around the corner, headed their way.

"No, more like this," Albus said and reach around to squeeze Scorpius's bottom, making him yelp then cover his mouth with embarrassment.

"Yeah, less of that and I might be… a bit more quiet and a lot less frustrated," Albus said.

"Fair enough," Scorpius said, taking Albus's hand as they carried on down the corridor.

Unfortunately for Scorpius, knowing what frustrated Albus only made him want to do it more and the struggle to keep his hands still was only greater. He resisted out of respect for his boyfriend, but it wasn't easy. He made up for it by coming up to the dorms on the weekends alone with Albus. There was no guarantee they wouldn't be caught but it was the only time they could be a little more free to explore with roaming hands, sometimes even under their robes.

"Oh, Merlin's bloody beard, mates!" Karl Jenkins complained one Saturday afternoon.

Albus and Scorpius gracefully pulled themselves apart, straightening out their robes and acting as if nothing had been going on. Karl just shook his head and fell onto his bed.

Albus and Scorpius upgraded from being the talk of Slytherin to being the talk of the school… well… for a few weeks anyway. A week after the Hallo'ween Feast, there was a rather sudden change.

"Did you hear who Rose Granger-Weasley is going out with?" basically everyone said, by Scorpius's measure.

Albus's cousin, who Scorpius had sort of fancied until he discovered she was gay and that he was in love with his best friend, had begun dating Sarah Beecroft over the summer and had, until now, kept it strangely quiet. No longer was that the case.

 _"Have you met my girlfriend?"_

 _"This is my girlfriend, Sarah."_

 _"We're the queens of Gryffindor!"_

These were the things that Rose declared _loudly_ to anyone who would listen. Sarah Beecroft and Rose Granger-Weasley were both on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Rose was a chaser and Sarah was a beater. They were both tall, imposing figures and they complemented each other well. Rose was loud and proud, Sarah was confident and quiet and neither of them bothered to hide their relationship. Not that he and Albus were hiding their relationship… they were just being… cautious after last year, was all.

"This isn't fair!" Albus said as Rose snogged Sarah in the middle of the great hall to riotous cheers.

Professor McGonagall was marching over and looking terribly cross.

"That they're getting in trouble and we're not?" Scorpius said.

"No! That they're getting all the attention. We were playing it cool and everyone loved it. Now she's stolen all our thunder!" Albus complained, dark hands pulling at his hair.

"I don't know. McGonagall is assigning them detention. Who knows what she'd do to us," Scorpius said.

Albus grumbled and put his head on the table, dramatically.

"Look, doing what they just did is the Gryffindor way, right? Let's do it the Slytherin way," Scorpius suggested.

"How? Break them up?" Albus asked.

"OK, maybe not _that_ Slytherin. But I was thinking we could spread rumours around about us," Scorpius said.

"Like what?" Albus asked.

"Anything. It doesn't matter, right? We just have to keep them talking about us," Scorpius declared.

 _"Hey, is it true you and Albus are breaking up?"_

 _"Hey, Scorpion King! Heard you've got a… loose tongue!"_

 _"Hey, Potter is it true that Malfoy has a tattoo of your face on his arse?"_

 _"Is it true you are already engaged?"_

 _"No, I heard they were married!"_

 _"OK, but if he doesn't have the tattoo what about that piercing?"_

The rumours spread quick and fast, thanks to a quick rallying of the Slytherin rumour mill. Scorpius only had to pose it as a way to put Slytherin on top.

"Scorpius, you're a genius!" Albus said, after they were both asked about Scorpius's supposed body modifications for at least the thousandth time in a week.

Scorpius laughed and wrapped his arm around Albus's as they marched down to the Slytherin Dungeon.

"And we didn't even have to break the rules!" Albus added.

"Yeah, about that…" Scorpius said then turned and gave Albus a quick kiss.

Karl Jenkins grumbled past them and Scorpius ignored him.

"I was thinking that after Christmas Break… maybe we won't need the rules anymore," Scorpius said.

Albus kissed him again then whispered in his ear, "Now, about that piercing…"


End file.
